"The engaged black father is an elusive character in popular culture. The percentage of black children living in fatherless homes—roughly 50 percent—has perpetuated an orthodoxy that black men are irresponsible and indifferent to fatherhood. A 2007 study noted that a black father's ability to financially contribute is one of the biggest determinants of whether he stays in the home. Will (Black America) have to come to a consensus on what constitutes a good father?"Excerpts from Joshua Alston, O Father, Where Art Thou?
For every two irresponsible black "sperm givers", there is one responsible black father. Even though the absentee of the black father is an epidemic in the black community, it cast a negative shadow over the black fathers that are accountable, responsible, engaged, and as my Grandmomma would say "acting like a daddy." Also, it does not address the black fathers that would like to be in their child's life but the mother has impeded that process.
Personally, my Grandmother would always ask/tell my father, "why don't you spend time with the boy?" Her constant encouragement/firmness did not propel him to want to be in my life. So, being a responsible black father is an "individual choice" that the black man has to make.
Happy Father's Day to the "WOMEN" that have raised me--my Mother, Godmother, and Grandmother. And to the only father I have known, my Godfather, Andrew "Sonny" Owens. One love!
1 comment:
"Will black America have to come to a consensus of what defines a good father?" Does "black America" need to assess this differently than everybody else? Maybe. And that's sad because it's an excuse for cowardly and lazy behavior. In fact, the definition of a good father within the black community is definitely different than that of other cultures. For instance, a black dad can take his child to McDonald's once a year and everyone will think he's great, never mind basic needs, college savings, etc. Black men don't know how to be fathers because many of them never had one. In addition, many black women do not know how a man is suppose to treat them because they never had a dad either. And when the two meet, who are they going to model their relationship after since they never saw a healthy one? The Cosby's, maybe? Pimps and hoes, perhaps?
And sorry, I don't believe 50% of black men live with their children. I think it's way less than that. Why not be accountable, black fathers? Why? Do black men even love each other? Do they even love their women? By most indicators, the answer is no. Therefore, the black man often does not even respect the image of a strong, united, and progressive black family. By not being accountable you're doing what you see most people who look like you doing. And yes, mothers do sometimes impede, but the thing anout it is, if the children weren't born out of wedlock in the first place, 90% of the madness is eliminated. But let's keep it real here-- black men aren't built marriage tough.
So Happy Fathers Day to all the single black Mamas. It looks as though your status in society has given you 2 very special days of your own each year.
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